Jan McInnis's Comedy Writing Blog

When you’re coming up with jokes, one quick way is to come up with a premise, and then prove it. For example, I have a joke about cats being better than kids, because. . . “. .cats clean themselves, they don’t talk back, and they will survive a drop from the second story window.” Okay, kind of mean, but the point is, I have proved my premise that cats really ARE better than having kids – I’m giving you 2 real and one whacky reason why cats are better than kids. When you’re proving a premise, the 3 line rule is great, because you get time to lure them in with “plausible” reasons and then hit them with the funny. And in my cats joke, the last line is true, it’s just not really ethical. . . but it still gets a laugh because they know I’m joking.

My cat Rockette - cats r better!

Look Around You For Great Premises

So go ahead and look around the environment to pick out something you’d like to prove – bike riding to work is better than driving, or weight lifting is better than dieting for losing weight. It doesn’t have to be whacky. . .you just have to have a funny reason WHY it’s better or worse, etc. . .a lot of people do think cats are better than kids, so it’s kinda true. If you’re speaking to a business group, maybe your product is better than X because. . . then list out all the good and bad reasons. When proving a premise, sometimes it’s easier to come up with something that you really believe. . .the cats versus kids is something I believe (no kids for me)  – i don’t mean dropping from the building, but just that I’d rather have cats than kids. So fill in the blank “I’d rather have/be/do ___ than ____ to come up with a good, provable premise.

It’s the stuff in your every day life that you think about, but generally don’t say, that will bring out the funny for plenty of laughs.

Jan

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Sure there’s timing of your jokes when you say ‘em, but the time I’m talking about is a little different. Yesterday I was at the new Aria hotel in Las Vegas. . .very cool, very high tech! When I walked into the room, music from the TV kicked on, the room lights lit up, and the blinds opened to reveal the Las Vegas strip – very impressive. The whole room was wired – it did everything but make you dinner. . .it was so cool. And of course my first thought as a comedian was. . .I’ve got to have some fun with this stuff on stage – what material! And I would have written some jokes about it, IF I was the opening speaker. But I was the closing speaker.

the aria hotel in Vegas... very hi-tech!

2 Reasons to NOT write jokes about your first impression

What does that have to do with my jokes? Well, on the first day of the conference, this stuff is funny because it’s new to EVERYONE. By the 4^th day, it was only new to me. . .the rest of the group had been there since Monday, so they’d seen the stuff and they were over it. Jokes about it would be outdated. . .yeah, jokes can be outdated that fast.

Also, by the time I got there, some people were actually upset because their room technology wasn’t working very well. . .someone had even started a blog complaining about it. So if I go swooping in with some jokes about how cool it is, not only would people not be impressed, but they might be angry – it was an old subject, so move on.

I battle this issue all the time when I’m sitting in a conference session and am writing material about what the audience is listening to. Many times, when the speaker says something, I immediately think of a line. . .but then I have to determine if the audience will remember that point that the speaker just made. . .because if it’s not a significant point, or it didn’t make a big enough impression, then the group probably won’t remember it, and then my line will go flat. I’ve dropped many good jokes because they would’ve worked in the moment, but not, say, 3 hours later.

Jokes With Legs

How do I know it’s a subject with “legs” that will last? A couple of things I consider:

–how much time will elapse between me and the event I’m having fun with

–does the speaker repeat the point and/or is the point really relevant or is it just a passing comment

–does the point I want to poke fun at drum up a visual that the audience is certain to remember throughout the day

I have to remember to look at it from the OTHER people’s perspective if I want fresh material, not just the stuff that’s striking ME as new and funny.

Jan

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One very quick way to come up with some humor on the spot is to use adages and/or familiar wording and then twist it. There are tons of adages – you know, sage advice like “when it rains it pours” or “if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck.” These are great to wrap up a speech with because people don’t see ‘em coming and it sounds like you’re going to give them some advice, but it’s really a joke. Especially if you’ve had a pretty dry speech (because, you know, you didn’t buy my book on humor writing!), twisting an adage will really come out of the blue. . . You can end your speech with a funny twist such as “Like you all know what they say, when it rains it. . .means you’re probably in Seattle (sorry Seattle people).” You can also use some familiar wording that isn’t quite an adage. For example, one of my college drinking jokes (that I don’t do much anymore), asks the question: “Did you ever wake up from one of those wild college parties and think ‘I could have another beer out of that keg.’ Then that ‘voice of reason’ kicks in. . . you might as well, the tap is still in your mouth.” Okay, stupid joke, but it got a lot of laughs at the late show in the clubs. But the twist is the “voice of reason” because everyone expects the “voice of reason” to say no. It’s not an adage, but we’re being led that way with the wording, but instead it’s twisted to go the other direction. So take a look at what you’re writing and see if you can find some familiar words that will in turn lead people astray. And of course listen to familiar words and phrases being bantered around in the media. . .in June I think EVERY commercial had the words “dads and grads” in it – very annoying, but maybe you could twist it to “dads and convicts” or “dads and dropouts.” Go ahead and give this method a try next time you’re really stumped for a joke. And don’t get discouraged, because you know, if at first you don’t succeed. . . try another profession. JOKING. . try, try again! Jan

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And now for part two of being specific. . .after your research where you’ve now got specific data, you need to actually write a joke that is specific. Take a look at the words you’re using and see if you can get very, very specific. Don’t use a rounded number like 300 if you can use something more specific like 307. . .if you’re talking about someone’s weight for example, 307 is just funnier than 300. Or saying that someone stayed in a “Swanky hotel” isn’t funny, but staying in a “Swanky Super  8” is funny because, well, Super 8’s aren’t known for their swankiness!

But of course here’s where there’s a fine line. Sometimes you can use too many adjectives that get in the way of the joke. . .you don’t want people to have to think about too many things, and get caught up on some descriptive words, so that they miss the punch line. If you have to use a lot of adjectives, then maybe break the joke up into three lines, with the 3^rd being the punch line.

Take a quick look at the nouns you’re using and see if you can put something descriptive in front of them that makes the subject more specific. You also need to ask yourself does it matter how specific it is. A lot of comics joke about their cars breaking down, and they name a specific model that a lot of people (at least in the past) considered bad. This also gets people on your side (because they’ve owned one too) and it creates a picture of the specific car in their heads. But if you’re talking about your (model) car breaking down, it may or may not matter what color the car is. . .that’s your call depending on your joke.

Ok, enough on being specific . . .Thanks for reading. . .specifically thanks for reading my blog!

Jan

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Show for the Luci - Desi Museum in her hometown

During a client call last month in which I was interviewing them to gather information so I could customized jokes for their group – I had a hard time getting them to be specific. When I asked about their challenges they gave me stress and mergers. . .it was hard to pin them down to exactly, specifically what is causing the stress and how are the mergers impacting them. We finally figured it out, but they really just wanted me to write jokes on general subjects. . .but the thing with joke writing is that you have to get specific with your information AND with the joke, in order to make it funny.

If I tell you to write a joke about “dogs” or one about “Collies” what do you think is easier? COLLIES! Because that gives us some things we can joke about, like Lassie and Timmie, and lots of fur and long dog noses, etc. . .the subject of dogs doesn’t help much.

I hate the word “drill down” because it got over used a few years ago, but really, you need to DRILL DOWN and find out what the specific topic really is. The hardest writing I ever did was for greeting cards because they wanted specific-yet-general jokes. For example, they wanted a Mother’s Day card that appealed to mother’s of all ages with kids of all ages – yeah, good luck! I did it, but it took a huge amount of effort to find something that the mom of a toddler and the mom of a teen can both relate to. The jokes weren’t belly-laugh jokes, and you’ll notice that few greeting cards these days are belly-laughs. . .they are “ha ha, that was cute” type things.

So the next time you’re having trouble coming up with some lines, take a check to see if you’re topic is too broad, then, (ugh) DRILL DOWN!!!

Jan

(In the picture above, I did my first show ever on a “floating stage” at Bemus Point in Jamestown, NY. . .it was for the Lucille Ball/Desi Arnaz museum in the town she was born in)

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Okay, now part two of kicking off with a joke. As I mentioned, getting into the joke is sometimes the hardest part, so use one of these tactics to set yourself up right.

1. Address what they see. If you’ve got some outstanding feature/hairdo/etc. . .mention it off the bat. I’ve said you can even make something up (like a tattoo on your shoulder) or something if that leads you to your joke.

2. Make a comment about what just happened before you. I’ve mentioned this before as well, and I can’t say it enough. . .pay attention to what’s happening prior to you going on stage. You’ll have some great opportunities for humor at the last minute. DON’T count on it, but just keep your eyes and ears open, and don’t be afraid to make an offhanded comment – especially if it leads you into your first joke!

3.  Have something funny in your intro that you can play off of. Set yourself up easy by commenting on your introduction. Mine mentions that I just bought a motor scooter, and sometimes if I want to joke about my scooter, I’ve got the perfect set-up – “john just mentioned that I bought a motor scooter. . .I did. . because that’s what happens when you wreck it on the test drive.”

4. Do something physical. A comedian friend of mine starts off with herself laughing . . .she walks on stage laughing and applauding. . .which leads her to her first joke about her mother’s laughter. So think of something physical. If I were to lead off with a dieting joke, I might go up and pat my belly. Non-verbal works as well or better than verbal cues.

5. Mention how you’re feeling. I start off many times with. . .”I’m having a great week because I just became an aunt again!” Presto, I’m into my kids material without anyone realizing that I wanted to talk about kids.

Bonus – these are all great ways to kick off with a joke. The key is DECIDE WHICH ONE YOU’LL DO FIRST. The times I get myself in trouble are the times that I don’t know how I’m going to kick off the show. I may be waiting for a funny line or I’m just undecided. Make a decision and run with it!

Bonus bonus – make it conversational. . .the more you’re just talking to a friend, as opposed to delivering a joke, then you have a better chance of the joke sneaking up which will make it funny.

And most of all. . have fun! Kicking off with a joke should make you excited, not worried!

Jan

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When people hear that I’m on stage for like 60 minutes telling jokes, they’re always amazed at me being up there THAT LONG. Actually the hardest part isn’t being there for 60 minutes (ok, a few shows have been rough!), the hardest part is GETTING STARTED. That’s right, if you get started off in the right direction, then you’ve won. . . if you don’t, then it’ll be a LONNNGGG  hour. Here’s 10 tips for getting started off right. Some of these I’ve covered in other blogs, but this is a nice, comprehensive list to refer to. . .

1. Address the crowd as you would a friend. If you’ve ever gone to an open mike night, you’ll notice that this is how most beginning comics do it, by asking ”hi, how are you.” Sounds good except when there’s 15 comics on the show,  by the last one we’re pretty sure everyone in the room is doing fine. But if you can start with a friendly greeting, then you can move on to your joke.

Radar my cat addresses people by begging

radar begging

2. Ask a (rhetorical) question. If you’re starting off with a sports joke, you could ask how many people saw the game or how many people like baseball. I say make it rhetorical because you really don’t (usually) want an answer – you want to set them up for your joke. So don’t ask something complicated that people might not know (like what the score of the game was)  . . . make it a yes/no type thing.

3. Take a survey. I focused on this a few blogs ago – surveys are a great way to get easy participation, plus it’ll get you right into your joke.

4.Start in the middle. This is what a lot of authors do when writing a good book. . .they start in the middle of the thought. This idea was perfected with the “so on the way to the event tonight, I . . . “ fill in the blank. So start off with. . .so I’m walking here tonight. . . Many times I’ve started out with “so I was shopping today. . .” and then I roll into my make-up joke.

5. Thank the audience. When I want to start off with my movie joke, I first thank the audience for getting out of the house. . .and then mention that my friend just got out of the house to go see a movie. . . boom, I’m off into my material. So take a look at your joke and see what you can thank them for that will lead to your subject.

The next 5 tips, plus some bonuses, are coming up.

Jan

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One of the big reasons that groups get together is to give out awards! If you’re speaking at the awards banquet (or even writing about the awards prior to the event) then you’ve got a great opportunity to include humor. Most award recipients enjoy jokes about the award because it gives them extra recognition. . .they’ve worked hard, and sometimes they only get like 10 seconds or less of kudos, so if you can stretch it out into a joke, it’s even better. Most people in the audience enjoy the jokes about the awards because it makes the whole ceremony TOLERABLE! So when giving out awards, here’s some things you can goof around with. . .

Qualifications. Make up some funny requirements, or some hilarious reasons why they REALLY got the award, and it’s sure to get a laugh. I recently did a show in which the award was named after one of the recipients, so I had some fun with that by asking “how does this association awards thing work anyway? Do you just make up an award and give it to yourself when you feel like getting on stage?” Take it to the extreme, maybe even find out the real requirements for winning, and add your own twist.

The actual, physical award. Sometimes the actual award is funny – especially if it’s not just a plaque. I emceed an awards banquet in which the awardees got a very nice glass award that was hand blown by a local glass-blower. While backstage I mentioned that I took glass blowing in college, but that all my classmates’ projects resembled bongs. The client cracked up and begged me to say that on stage – so I did and it killed. NORMALLY I would never make a drug reference, but the client really knew her group and knew it would be hilarious. So take a look at the physical award and see what it reminds you of. . . or maybe have some fun with what we COULD be giving the recipient.

Other Awards – what other awards could you have jokingly considered giving to the person? Take a look at the winner’s personality/hobbies/skills, and conjure up some funny, fictitious awards that describe that person. Is the person a multi-tasker? Then maybe you can joke that you’re giving them 3 awards at the same time? Or has person been in a volunteer leadership position for a long, long time? Then maybe they were also considered for the No-Free-Time award. Highlighting someone’s personality in a fabricated award is a great way to get some more mileage.

Competitors. . .Who else could have received the award? She’s such a humanitarian that she beat out Mother Theresa for this award! Think of who you can compare the person to and have some fun with that.

Awards presentations can be deadly to the people not receiving them (and even sometimes to the recipients), so take the yawn out of it, and spice it up with some much needed humor.

Jan

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I’ve never done comedy in another country (ok, Canada, but they’re so close it doesn’t count), yet I’ve been in front of audiences sprinkled with international people because they come to us. And while of course you can’t appeal to EVERYONE in the group, there are some things you can do when developing jokes so that you don’t exclude those folks who aren’t from the 50 states.

Don’t presume they don’t know American references. International people are more familiar with American references than (sadly) Americans are familiar with international references. So stick to big store names and big issues that have been broadcast repeatedly over the news, and you’re probably safe. I was recently in front of an international group of airline executives who buy and sell airline parts, and I made an analogy about the group being the “Pep Boys” of the airline industry. They got it because Pep Boys is pretty well known.

Have a saver line ready. Had the Pep Boys line gone flat, I could’ve tossed in something such as “note to self. . .Pep Boys auto parts is not international” or something else to clue them in to what I was talking about AND to put the joke on me. You defiantly don’t want to make them feel like they are idiots because they don’t know some major things in our country. . . find a way to make it self-deprecating. You could also follow it up with a joke that describes Pep Boys. . .”to those of you not familiar with Pep Boys, that’s the place where we Americans go to buy stuff for our cars like an .89 cent air freshener. . . and wind up also getting a 4 tires, a battery, and an entire new engine.”

Include a 1-word describer. You can also include 1-word in the joke that clues the international people in, such as “Pep Boys auto store”. Granted it might have slowed the joke down a bit, and maybe not made it as funny, but at least it wouldn’t totally die.

Stick to the conference. The group is at least familiar with the agenda and the hotel, so you can play it safe and only joke around with those topics. I had some fun with the really long names of a couple of the technical talks they were sitting in, and then made the comment that . . “I see you all are wearing name badges to the sessions – I’m wondering why? It’s not like anyone from the outside is going to try to sneak in!”

Focus on them. You can also have fun with the differences between America and other countries. Off the bat, I think that we (Americans) get 2 weeks vacation, while they (non-Americans) seem to get the entire Fall off, our buffets are 8 million times larger than their “buffets,” and when we pack for vacation, we strap a dressing bureau to our back while their entire month’s clothes are in a carry-on. Pull out a few key differences and focus on that.

Comedy is a great way to connect people from around the world, so don’t miss the opportunity to toss in a joke just because you’re afraid an international audience member won’t get it!

Jan

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What happens when you’ve got a completely dry subject and you just can’t figure out a way to have fun with it? You have to think bigger. To find the funny when I’m speaking, I start with the group; if there’s not much there, I look at the room, then move out to the hotel and then move out farther and look at the city. If you’re writing an article/document, you can still have fun

I saw Donna Summer @ the bowl - she's from Boston!

with the city you’re in or the city that your audience is in. Here’s a couple things to pay attention to:

What is the city’s reputation. I do a lot of shows in Las Vegas, and I can always have fun with a group meeting there. One of the first jokes I wrote for a group was for mushroom growers in Vegas. I was told that one of the big mushroom farms had gone out of business because they overextended by buying too many mushroom farms  – which was great because it was more money for the other growers. I made an analogy by saying “I was talking to a blackjack dealer last night, and he said the only way you could lose money faster than gambling is to buy a bunch of mushroom farms.” Great laughs and great instant connection. I can also start with a fun survey (see previous posts for surveys) by asking how many people have run out of money and are now enjoying the free cable TV. . .or something to that effect. So make your list of what the city is known for – you don’t have to do a lot of research, just look up Wikipedia or just think about it – their reputation should be something obvious that just about EVERYONE connects with the city. Remember Wisconsin has cheese, Seattle has rain, and Kansas is flat!

What’s the weather.  You can also have fun with the city’s weather. Many towns in the Midwest are ALWAYS cold. . .open with your own analogy – I’ve started out with “it’s nice to be here in North Dakota’s “summer” or as we call it in Los Angeles – winter.” You can also make an analogy between the weather and something going on at the company.  I was told once that a group in Iowa was not getting raises that year and that I could have some tasteful fun with that, so I said “Boy, you all have had a mild winter. In fact I understand the only thing frozen around here are salaries.” The weather is very relatable and many times you can use the joke over when you’re in another similar weather city.

What are the politics. Ok, you really don’t want to be pro or con a certain political group (unless you’re known for it), BUT if something weird political has happened, you can joke around without getting yourself in trouble. I did a show in Tallahassee, Florida in which they had just spent about a million dollars to build a bridge for ducks to safely cross the highway. Ok that’s funny and just about everyone has to be on your side when you joke about it.

Famous residents. EVERY city has someone famous who came from there or else some famous person did something there. Find out who the famous son or daughter is, and you can go to town with it. One small town’s website boasted that George Washington slept there on the way to crossing the Delaware. I had fun by pointing out that he took one look around the town and DIDN’T STAY.

There are other ways to have fun with the city if you do more research and find out why they were formed or when they were formed or who formed them. I’ve had fun with some towns that are cold-weather towns and they were originally started by settlers from another country who have since moved on. The town’s name is Russian for “its cold, let’s go south.” So give some thought, and maybe a quick Google search, to where you’re at in relation to the speech or written document, and you can find some quick humor for instant laughs!

Jan

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